Sunday, May 1, 2011

Honey v. Vinegar

I am sometimes very direct, which I wrote about here.  But I am almost never mean, and never intentionally.

I have never understood the necessity of some people to be mean.  I've always been someone who followed the mantra "you can catch more bees with honey than vinegar." 

So it is especially difficult for me when I encounter meanness, or rudeness, that is wholly unwarranted.  Now that isn't to say I can't be rude or mean.  I'm not perfect and don't claim to me.

But I don't enjoy turning every conversation into a fight.  And I don't enjoy surrounding myself with people who do either.

It almost seems like some people take pleasure in making other people feel miserable.  Some people who perhaps never learned a healthy or normal means of interacting with others.

So as a society, as friends, as family, what is our responsibility?  Do we try to challenge these people or simply shrug our shoulders and say "that's just how they are?"

I've grappled with this in many different instances.  Sometimes I'm in public and someone is being incredibly rude.  Do I speak up in defense of the "victim?"  Or do I say it isn't my place and let it go?

For instance, on our honeymoon there was another newlywed couple at the next table.  The bride, who was most definitely a bridezilla, kept making comments to her hubs about the waitress.  We had the same waitress and thought she was wonderful.  At one point I overheard bridezilla say she was going to complain to the manager.  I turned to D and said we have to wait around because that isn't fair to the waitress.  In the restaurant's gift shop I spied and saw her comment card which bashed the waitress.  A few minutes later, D and I were leaving and the waitress was talking to the manager upset because she didn't understand what she'd done wrong.  I interrupted and let the manager know that the waitress was great, it was the bride who was horrid.  (Just for irony sake, guess which bridezilla was staying in the exact same hotel as us ... figures!)

I guess I could have spoken up during dinner.  But this seemed like the best way for me to handle the situation.  But what about for people you interact with more regularly?

Am I alone in this?  Thoughts?


  1. I certainly think you did the right thing. Wait service, just like any other customer service job, is incredibly hard to deal with when people are downright rude to you on a daily basis. I'm sure you made her day by speaking up for her.

    Usually the negativity in my life comes from family drama, so I usually try to just avoid it at all costs. Easier said than done though.

  2. I think you did the right think! Food service is challenging and when someone is doing a good job, they need to be recognized for it. I think good service is often overlooked!

    I'm a new follower from the Super Stalker Sunday hop! Hope to see you soon!
    Mariah, FormulaMom

  3. ooh, I never tolerate meanness. There is a big difference between being direct and firm and being plain mean. as a former waitress, I will thank you because i have encountered my share of mean for being mean's sake.

  4. You did the right thing, in my opinion! I don't know why people do what they do. It's frustrating and at times, very hurtful. Like I told you, I could turn this comment box into a whole blog post! But I'll save that for later! Or for venting to you another time ;)

  5. That's the same way I would have done it-waited to talk to the manager.

    And weren't you so lucky that you got to stay with her at the hotel?! ;)

  6. I would have done the same thing! It was very nice of you to speak up to the manager!

    Thanks so much for linking up on our first Super Stalker Sunday hop! We'd love for you to come back next week! :) I'm following you via GFC and FB. If you have a Twitter please comment on my page with the @ name and I will gladly follow you there too! Have a great day!

    April @ Mama on a Green Mission

  7. You are so sweet Sara! That was very nice of you to speak to the manager!

  8. The buttons LOOK awesome! ;) And way to go on figuring out how to do it!

  9. Hi Sara!

    You did the right thing! If someone you know, however, act like this bride, I think you might tell him right away!


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