How We Communicate

I love talking. I love meeting new people (even though I can be shy, I am overly outgoing to compensate, weird but true). 

I like getting to know people.  Getting to tell stories.  Being able to make people laugh.  It's a great feeling.

I am also someone who uses my hands when I talk. A LOT.  I'm not exactly sure why, but I do.  Maybe it's hereditary. 

I am sometimes very direct and at times have been brutally honest.

So why am I talking about this?

Well I notice people and how other people communicate.  We all have different means of communicating. Some, like me, are hand-users.  Some speak softly. Some over enunciate words or syllables.

I just realized that there is one method of communication I really dislike.  I really, really dislike when someone's primary means of communication (absent a disability) is just by gestures, noises and eye movements.

Now I like sarcasm.  I live for it!  But there is a difference between occasionally rolling your eyes (which I have been known to do) and using this as a primary means of communicating.

When I am speaking with you and compliment a third party not in our presence, I don't understand what a grunt and tilting your head to side means. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?!

Do you agree?  Do you disagree?  Do you think I smell?

I'm fine with gestures and body movements accompanying speech, but not replacing it!

You Never Really Know Anyone...

(Is it just me or have my posts been kind of serious lately?)

For those who watched Sex and the City, there is a scene where Charlotte and Carrie are walking down the street.  Charlotte is asking Carrie for advice and Charlotte makes a comment about how do we ever know the people we sleep with, then proceeds to ask if her hair is too shiny.

Ok well this isn't about people I am sleeping with.  But that quote always makes me think in general, how well do we know people?

We all have people or couples we are friends with.  Since we aren't there 24/7, how well do we know what is really going on behind closed doors?  Do we really know who these people are?

I have had friends assume, incorrectly, things about myself.  Usually it is innocuous.

But from time to time, I underestimate, or incorrectly believe something about them.  Being the astute judge of character I usually am, I rarely underestimate a person's character.

But at times, I do overestimate.  There are times when I think someone is nice.  I am hoodwinked.  I am fooled.  It doesn't happen often.  But it does happen.

Where later I find out they are not the person I thought.  The couple is not as perfect as they looked from the outside.  And the partner is not as endearing/kind/compassionate as he/she seemed.

I personally have been in two "relationships" (would take too long to explain why that is in quotations now) where I haven't been aware of who the person really is.

It's a scary prospect.  It's upsetting to believe you know someone and turn out to be wrong.

Have you ever been surprised when you realized a personality trait you didn't before recognize in a person?

Wishing for Divorce...

Ok first let me preface this by saying D and I are NOT getting divorced. Not even close.  But the topic is still very real.

We all know couples, both dating/engaged/married who we "just don't see it."  We don't quite get the relationship.  Or we're not happy with it.

And this can be for a number of reasons.  Hopefully it isn't because of any violence (because that enters a whole different discussion).

I think more regularly you think one person is "better" than the other or they are just not well suited.

Usually, we keep our opinions to ourselves.  We don't tell people what we really think.  And when they are already engaged or married, we almost never tell them we think they should break it off or get divorced.

But what really concerns me here, is what does it say about me to either (a) assume a relationship won't work out or (b) to (somewhat?) actively wish for it to end? And as quickly as possibly with as little pain as possible.

I know that makes me horrible.  I know it sounds horrible.  But just how horrible?

I don't do anything to actively break up people.  So that must mitigate the bad level. Right?

What does family mean to you?

For me, family is everything.  I live, and would die, for my family.  Included in this are some incredibly close friends who have become defacto family members.

But everyone's version of family is different.

My parents (and D's parents) will celebrate their 34th wedding anniversaries this year.  This dynamic and the fact that my parents are still married definitely impacts our relationship.

I see nothing wrong or weird that my immediate family (parents, spouse, two siblings) know exactly how much each other makes (our siblings ... not our parent's income!).  It's totally normal to me that my parents know how much educational debt I have.  And I think it's a sign of a strong family to speak every day.

But some people would not agree.

I have a friend that finds it so strange that we all know everyone's financial information.  Acquaintances who don't think it's "appropriate" to ask a daughter how much she spent on her house.

Not only do I plan to tell my parents how much I pay for my house, if possible I want them to help me pick out a good house!

I appreciate and value my parent's opinions.  I want to learn from their mistakes.

That does not mean I won't go against their wishes if I disagree with them.  But it does mean I will think really hard about something before doing something my parents don't think is wise.

Is this normal?  Is there a "normal" family?  Does a normal family dynamic exist?  Or is each unique?

It's probably the latter. 

Each family is itself a unique group of people with experiences, expectations and demands.

Do I roll my eyes when my dad calls me 5 times in one day because I haven't been near my phone to pick up?  Yes.  But do I feel disconnected when I haven't spoken to him in a few days? Yes.

My mother talked on the phone with her mother multiple times a day when we were growing up.  Pre-caller ID (I know ... unconscionable now!) when the phone would ring, we'd laugh and declare "it's grandma," and we were usually right.

I truly think my family has a healthy relationship.  We are very involved in each other's lives.  True.  But we also care deeply about each other.  And would do anything necessary for each other.

My family changed when I married D.  And now my sister, V, is getting married in November to M.  That again is going to change my family.

M's family dynamic is different than ours and there will be adjustments.

But in the end, we are an extremely close family who ultimately want what is best for the other person.


And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Attraction

I think D is attractive.  Obviously?

But as a general rule, I've found no common traits between other men I find attractive. For instance, I think Morgan [Shemar Moore] from Criminal Minds is really attractive.  He's probably someone you'd expect people to find good on the eyes.  Probably doesn't seem strange.  Don't you agree:

Source: http://www.cbs.com/primetime/criminal_minds/cast/shemar-moore/

On the same show, I think Spender Reed [Matthew Gray Gubler] is really attractive.  He's not what you'd necessary think is typical "hunk" material, but I think he's so cute!  Thoughts?

Source: http://www.cbs.com/primetime/criminal_minds/cast/matthew-gray-gubler/

Nothing really similar between the two except they are both males.  They are different races, different body types.  And yet I find both equally attractive.

I'm currently at a conference (which is why I've been so MIA blogging this week).  And there are definitely some men there I find attractive.  No I am not attracted to them.  But I still think they are cute.


I wonder why I don't have a type.  And even though I can find lots of men attractive, my husband and last two boyfriends all look similar.  Maybe I am open when it comes to finding someone attractive but then am only attracted to a particular type?

Do you have a "type?"

Hey Man, can you spare a ... suit?

So this post is going to be quite short (LONG weekend) but I'll fill you in on more details later!

D and I went to State College, PA for a wedding.  About a 3 hour drive each way.  We were staying with friends of D's who were nice enough to let us crash on their futon. 

Friday night we I packed our suitcase.  I usually make a list but decided to wing up.  My dress for the wedding doesn't wrinkle so I just put it in the bag. We don't have a garment bag so I had D put his suit and white shirt by the front door.  The tie and his shoes were packed.

Before we leave Sat I run down our list of things we NEED to have.  We have everything.  And off we go.

We make the three hour drive.  We meet his friends for lunch (our treat! ... only right.) and then follow them back to their apartment.  As we are driving back to the apartment I suddenly have a moment and ask D, "did you pack your suit?"  And the answer is no. (Obviously, because why would I write a post about driving three hours to only find out D did have his suit!) Crazy!

We go to Target. D gets a white shirt and a black pair of slacks.  Not perfect but good enough. Fortunately we had his dress shoes.  And the clothes are reusable so that's good.

I love him.  But this was just a tad frustrating! 

Doesn't he look cute in his suit at another wedding? Ignore me!

Have you ever forgotten something kind of important??

Melissa and Doug Winner!!

Forgive the obvious, but winning makes me happy.  I love getting free things ... especially free things that I'd actually like to have!

Now I am sure there are some people who spend a LOT of their time entering all different kinds of contests.

That is not me.

But I do enter some.  Usually because I really would like to win the item (though sometimes it is to support a blogger I am "friends" with.)

Well just recently I stumbled upon Sugar Pop Ribbons and found a few giveaways for some really great looking prizes.

So I entered a few.

Now if you are a frequent reader, you know I am not pregnant.  Nor do I have any kids.  Nor am I planning to get pregnant in the near future.

But it would be great to get some baby stuff BEFORE I have a baby.

Well, my recent prize that I won is not for babies.  But rather young children.

I won a Melissa and Doug Wooden Railway set.  And I am thrilled.  D apparently never had a wooden train growing up but always wanted one.  Look how happy he looks here:

It's all mine!

I keep reminding him it is for our future kid, not for him.  He tells me one night I'll be in bed and hear him making choo-choo sounds.  I think I am going to loose this battle.