Never Saved a Wedding Before

I have done lots of things in my life.  I've fallen in love, gotten married, traveled to China, pulled a bully off my brother before he could drown, accidentally slapped someone in a haunted house (will explain in another post I'm sure), graduated from high school/college/grad school, etc.  Suffice it to say, I've done a lot in my 20-some years.

But Saturday was a first.

D and I to a wedding for my friend L.  She married P. The location was GORGEOUS.  It was a lovely country club right around the corner from our house.  The bridesmaids looked lovely.  The parents were beaming.  The bride was glowing.  (The groom was nervous ... kept looking out into the crowd!)

The wedding ceremony was unique for a Jewish wedding.  (Very brief, not completely accurate/illustrative explanation of Judaism: there are three main branches.  I say main because there are others but let's just focus on the three main ones: Orthodox, Conservative and Reform. The Orthodox are the most observant followed by the Conservative and then the Reform.  Make sense?  No?  If not, and you want to know more you can email me or go here!)

Ok now that we have that taken care of...L's wedding was Reform.  There are certain traditions that usually happen at a Jewish wedding.  For instance, usually both the groom and the bride are escorted down the aisle by their respective parents.  The bride usually walks around the groom 7 times before the ceremony begins.  Both the bride and the groom drink from the same wedding cup.  And probably most well known, the guy smashes the glass at the end.  (There are some traditions I didn't mention).  Some of these they did and others they didn't.  But the strangest thing was they asked each other to say "I Do."  Now in all the Jewish weddings I've attended (both Reform, Conservative and Orthodox) I've never seen a Jewish wedding have the couple say I Do.  An experience for sure!

Then it was cocktail hour (I'll spare you the details in case you haven't eaten but it was delicious!).

And then time for the reception and time for L and P's first dance.  It was obvious they had taken professional lessons and had a routine all planned out.  There was just one problem...L kept tripping over her dress.

At one point I actually heard her say to P, just step on it.  At that point, what are you going to do?

Now after the first dance there is what's called the Horah or Hava Nagilah (we all dance around in a circle, you can do-see-do...though we don't call it that...with the bride/groom and they get lifted up in a chair).  During this dance I danced with L and she started apologizing saying "I'm so sorry, I didn't know."  I told her not to apologize, it didn't matter, she was married and worst case scenario, the dress rips.

As she kept dancing, the bustle kept getting looser and looser.  When she started walking around to the tables she had started crying.  My heart was breaking for her.  No matter how in love and how happy you are, that day is incredibly stressful.  When she got to me, I asked her what was wrong and after first insisting nothing (through the tears) she then admitted she was upset about the dress and because the wedding planner hadn't helped.  Apparently the wedding planner told L she didn't bustle dresses AND that they had to go-go-go.

I'm sorry, but it's the bride.  It isn't starting without her!  I told L we could find some safety pins and just pin it up.  The formal pictures were over.  This was about functionality.  She agreed and 10 minutes later we'd hunted down some pins.  She motioned toward me and I followed her into the next room.

I had her stand on the stage about 2 feet above me so I could get an easier angle.  And then I just started pinning.  I could have smacked the wedding planner who kept acting like SHE was fixing the day.  Whatever.

I should also mention I was not a bridesmaid.  One of the bridesmaids came in and kept commenting that I'd missed my calling.  However, I took this as a sarcastic comment.  And was rightfully annoyed.  This same bridesmaid also commented she wish she'd have thought of having L stand on the stage.

Not my fault I have better ideas!   

I am a pusher.  And a royal buttin-ski.  I know this about myself.  I've accepted it.  It is who I am.  It's not my fault that the bridesmaids didn't step up or didn't come up with the solution.

And you better believe if I had been a bridesmaid I would have put that wedding planner in her place.

I got L's dress up and it never touched the ground again.  She never tripped and danced the night away.

I'd say I saved her wedding.  Agree?

We Are To Blame

I've seen the news articles talking about girls developing eating disorders and vilifying magazines, television and celebrities.  While there may be some truth, I think these articles are missing the point.  I think the true cause of girls having eating disorders is boys (and probably other girls).

Allow me to explain.

Yesterday was my sister's surprise birthday party.  Before hand, D and I went out to dinner with my brother (S) and a group of his friends.  We then came back to my brother's house where it was D, myself, S and three other guys.  (Disclaimer: D was not participating in this conversation.)  The topic of my sister's bridemaids came up seeing as how she is getting married in November and my brother is a groomsman.  A few weeks ago my brother found out he was walking down the aisle with bridemaid #7 (yes, there are seven bridesmaids plus me ... wow).  And he flipped out.  He is not in support (I won't elaborate in case one day my siblings do learn of this blog, which I am sure they will, and get upset that I aired our families dirty laundry).  Suffice it to say, S is not happy.  And is not shy in explaining why.

So we're back to S's house where the guys, plus me, are discussing this situation.  S mentioned the girl he would like to up the aisle with (we are walking down alone) and J, the only guy whose met this girl, agrees.  I've met her too and she's lovely so it has my support.

Then somehow going dress shopping came up and the guys were going back and forth discussing these two girls and having been at the dress shop, I let them know they were actually the same size.  Now to put it in perspective, these girls are a size 4.  FOUR!  And they had the nerve to say that they were surprised by this because one of the girls is a little "thicker" (direct quote) than the other girl.

THICKER?!?! Nope.  Sorry.  I'm calling a foul.  A girl who fits into a size 4 at a bridal dress shop can be called many things but "thicker" cannot be one of them.

I lost it.  For many reasons.  They were also talking about two other bridesmaids and going on and on about how "large" they are.  Now these girls are not thin ... but they are smaller than me.  Making me feel like absolute crap when my brother is gesturing with WIDE arms and using exaggerated tones/language to describe how big they are.

Somehow the conversation then comes back to the two girls (you remember .... with one who is thicker than the other) and how the "less thick" of the two used to be really tone but isn't anymore.  OMFG.  Seriously?  I was in the dressing room with that girl.  She had like 0% body fat (of course when this was mentioned to her by my sister this girl said she had tons of fat ... case in point how her thinking has bee warped).

Perhaps we are all to blame for our warped views of beauty.  But I remember seeing these two skinny girls dressed up staring at themselves in the mirror pointing out their body areas that they want to fix ... and the other encouraging it.  There was nothing wrong with their bodies.  Sincerely.  Truly.  Nothing.

Suffice it to say, I had to remove myself from the conversation between my brother and the other guys.  And no surprise I felt like absolute crap about myself all night.

Maybe we are all partially to blame.  But before the media, models, celebrities and entertainment are made responsible, we need to look more locally.  Because when four guys think it is ok to talk about one girl being "thicker" than another, something is wrong.

Ok ... stepping off the soap box.  PSA done.

Today I left the house naked!

I left the house today naked. Stark naked.  Unfortunately I didn't realize it until I was in the car driving to work.


Ok so not technically naked.  But I had forgotten my engagement and wedding rings.  It makes me feel naked!  I've worn the wedding band for almost a year and the engagement ring for almost 2 years!  They've become a part of me.

They also hold special powers.  Well for me at least.

Before their existence, I couldn't eat in public alone (except the airport ... because lots of people are alone in airports) without feeling pathetic.  Without feeling like people were staring at me thinking, "oh that poor girl."

And then D proposed (will write about that another time).  And suddenly I have this protective shield.  Suddenly, I don't care about being in public alone.  Because obviously, someone cares about me.  I'm not the pathetic girl anymore, I'm just the chick eating alone with the gorgeous, sparkly ring (D really did do a good job...all on his own!).

It's my shield.  It's my strength.  Is it vain?  Perhaps.  But really it's a source of comfort.  And if it is something that doesn't harm you but gives me comfort ... where's the harm.

Although I will say that some of the power might be seeping into the "real" me.  Because today I walked to my meeting (realllllly pretty and only ~5 blocks away) without the ring.  And I still felt good.  Not as good had I had the ring on ... but good!

ReIntroductions

When D and I were out on Saturday, we ran into someone I had known over a decade ago (oy that makes me feel old!).  For the first time, I had to introduce myself twice.  I had to introduce myself as Sara (maiden) who was now Sara (married).

This is the first time I've had to do a "reintruduction."  The first time I've had to tell someone two names for them to remember me.  It was weird.  Really weird! For the first 20-some years of my life I was a person.  A specific person.  With experiences, friends, emotions, memories.  And a name.

And now I am someone else.  Yes, I am still technically the same person, but not by name.  Perhaps a name doesn't matter.  Maybe one day I won't think twice to introduce myself as Sara (maiden) and Sara (married).  My kids will likely refer to me both ways when coming upon someone who may have known the "earlier" me.  The pre-mom me.  The me they cannot fathom.

But now, and forever more, I am someone else.  I am Sara Part II.

It's strange.  And I know it was my choice.  And I think it was the right choice.  For me.  I fully respect people who remain themselves their entire lives.  I'll be myself forever.  But called by another name.

As far as reintroductions go, having to say two names is hardly the worst case scenario.  But it is a new first.  They come up with less regularity the further I get from the wedding date.  But they will keep coming up.